Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
