I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
