it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
