If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
