All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
