So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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