Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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