The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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