At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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