just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
