just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize