gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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