he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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