That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
