i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
