you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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