booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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