there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize