We're like a lot better than the average bears
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
