I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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