SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
