it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
