i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
