I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
