I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
