tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Your penis caused this!
Randomize