So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
