Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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