12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize