The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
