Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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