If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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