why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
