i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
