I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
