census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
