I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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