my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
sarcasm needs its own font
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
