Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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