I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
