If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
