Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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