get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize