she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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