Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
