can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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