2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
