You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
