my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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