Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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