You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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