just come out here and I will go home with you...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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