Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
