if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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