just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
