Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
