His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
