i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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