I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize