When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
