I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
ugly people sure do ruin things
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
