Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
