Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
