I want to stick my p in your. b.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
