when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
