So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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