Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
