Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
