I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize