Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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