i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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