Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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