just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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