Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
