sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
