Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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