omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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