i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I can't turn off my feet"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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