I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
