Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
