My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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