well I can't set my house on fire every night
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
