i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
