why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
