I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
