First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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