This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
