Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
