this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
