U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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