How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
40s are totally the cure
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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