on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
