I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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