I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
try to milk me bitch
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