he shaved USA in his pubs
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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