Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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