R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
