I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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