OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize