The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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