was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
