Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
