I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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