sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
