Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
