bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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