I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
