o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
