if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
